So Far

Some days the fear is too much to bear, so I tell myself to write tomorrow. Even with three novels written. I still feel like I still have so much to do. I tell myself I can’t call myself a writer until I have published a book or I get an agent.

It’s not the days when something goes wrong. Sadly, it happens at good times. For example, the other day, I got an editorial letter back, and it was positive. Sure, it said I need to make changes, and that’s a little daunting, but the real reason I haven’t started working on it is because of the praise. The potential someone else sees in me stops me dead in my tracks. I have been procrastinating because I’m afraid of the potential for success.

I know that sounds off or wrong. How can someone be afraid of success? This is not unique to me. Many people suffer from limiting beliefs. For some, it comes from something they experienced. For me, it comes from my childhood. To keep this blog short, I won’t get into all of the stuff I faced in my early years but to speak plainly, I did not receive a lot of praise or affection as a kid. It was more criticism and apathy than anything else. To be fair to my parents, it was a different time, and they were dealing with their own stuff. I try hard to get past it. I even can identify when it’s happening, but still, it creeps into my bones. It settles into my thoughts.

So what can I do? I’m not an expert at all, but for now, I’m trying to recognize it. Thank it for trying to protect me. And finally, I’m trying to move past it as fast as I can. I try doing work to heal the little girl inside. I try to remind her that it’s okay to be different and creative. It’s okay for others to praise me and for me to want more for my life. I tell her that her dreams aren’t dumb or unachievable. I hug her and say that success will not change us. It will allow us to move into the person we were always meant to be and bring on exciting adventures.

How about you? Let me know below anything you are working on healing. I’m here for you!